Things I Find in My Coat Pockets Vs. Things I Wish I Found in My Coat Pockets

Like any basic mom living in Michigan, where it is stupidly frigid about half the year, I have several winter coats - a couple "nice" ones that I can wear to weddings or baby showers, a few pea coats I can throw on to go to the grocery store or a PTA meeting, and a super warm, unattractive one that I wear to play in the snow with my kids.

Every year, around this time, I start pulling out these winter coats. They have hung unworn, uncleaned (despite the promise I made to myself in the spring that I would take them to the dry cleaner's before winter), and mostly forgotten in the closet since April.

Every year, I get excited to reach my hands in the pockets for the first time of the season to see what treasures I left behind last winter. Every year, I am disappointed. Below is a list of the things I typically find in my coat pockets and a list of the things I wish I would find in my coat pockets.

Things I Find in My Coat Pockets:

  1. A single glove.

  2. My daughter's half-eaten sucker wrapped in a Target receipt.

  3. The cheap lip gloss my daughter got in her stocking last year and had a meltdown over when she lost it (would it be terrible to put it in her stocking again this year?).

  4. Ticket stubs from one of the three times we saw Frozen last year.

  5. Popcorn (also from one of the three times we saw Frozen last year).

  6. Used tissues. So. Many. Used. Tissues.

  7. Straw wrappers (A.K.A. evidence of the times I didn't feel like making dinner and resorted to fast food instead).

  8. McDonald's Monopoly pieces (shoot, more evidence).

  9. A dental appointment reminder that would have been great to have about three months ago.

  10. A few pennies, and a quarter (score!)

Things I Wish I Found in My Coat Pockets, But Never Do:

  1. My other glove.

  2. A healthy snack for when I forget to pack one and find myself in the middle of a grocery shopping trip with a toddler on the verge of a hunger tantrum.

  3. The expensive lipstick I felt guilty treating myself to that went missing about a week after I bought it.

  4. Ticket stubs from the opening of a Broadway show to remind me of that amazing spontaneous weekend trip my husband and I took last year . . . Oh, right, that never happened.

  5. One of those little bottles of liquor that you get on airplanes. That would fit nicely in one of these pockets.

  6. A pack of unused tissues . . . Oh hell, I'll just use one of the old ones.

  7. The remote.

  8. A twenty dollar bill.

  9. A five dollar bill.

  10. Really, not even a single dollar bill?

Better luck next year.