Basic Mom Week in Review - 01/11/15

5 Things That Actually Happened This Week and the Lessons I Learned

1. I set a People magazine on the coffee table because my mom gave it to me weeks ago, and I thought I might finally get around to reading it (silly me). Instead, I caught my toddler trying to emulate Angelina Jolie's cover pose:

Lesson: Never leave out a magazine with Miley Cyrus on the cover.

2. While volunteering in my daughter's kindergarten class, my task was to see how high each kindergartener could count, which led to this interaction with an adorably high-strung kindergartener:

Me: Do you like to count?

Kindergartener (proudly): Yes. I can count to 100.

Me: Okay. Go ahead.

Kindergartener (rapidly): 1, 2, 3, 4  (gulp!). . . But, sometimes I need to bweev.

Me: Sometimes you need to breathe?

Kindergartener: Yeah.

Me: Yes, I think that's a good idea.

Lesson: Next time I volunteer I should wear something less tyrannical-looking than leggings and a sweatshirt so the kids know they are allowed to breathe in my presence.

3. My husband and I celebrated our third anniversary by going out to lunch at one of our favorite restaurants (Peterlin's - you should go!). While there, a big chunk of hair fell out of my braid, and I wasn't too mad about it, but still felt self-conscious (because I spend about 90% of my life feeling self-conscious), so this conversation ensued:

Me: Does my hair look weird like this?

Husband: No you look cute . . . In a frumpy-cute sort of way.

Me: Thanks. Happy anniversary to you, too.

Husband (trying to joke his way out of it): Frumpy is a synonym of beautiful, right? You know, like how I tell people I have a frumpy wife?

Lesson: This is what frumpy-cute looks like:

4. In a rare event, I got to go out with my girlfriends on Friday night. When I went to pour malt vinegar on my fish and chips (yum!), I assumed the bottle had one of those plastic stopper things at the opening that make it come out slowly.

I was wrong. I dumped about half a bottle of malt vinegar all over the table . . . and my pants.

The waitress walked over a few minutes later and said, "Wow! That vinegar is strong!"

Lesson: If my kids aren't around to make a mess, I will unfailingly make a mess myself. Also, vinegar covers up the smell of vomit (i.e., my car now smells like vinegar instead of kid vomit).

5. While watching my 5-year-old take as long as possible to put on her pajamas as my toddler started pulling toys out of my 5-year-old's toy bin when she was supposed to be settling down for bed . . .

my husband pulled me in for a side hug, tenderly stroked my arm and softly said, "No more kids, right?"

Lesson: If I want a third kid, it will have to be with my second husband.